The City of Ports

Instead of being a studious senior as I should be, I’m sitting at Port City Java with a friend. The main idea was to get out of the dorm and study. That is not what is happening right now, though. I haven’t opened a book yet. Oh well. I don’t even feel guilty.

I knew coming to PCJ would be a distraction because here, I have access to the entire internet. The power. The freedom. Ooh. Apparently an attractive mail just ran by. If you can’t tell, I’m having guy issues. I can’t even spell male correctly. But that’s ok. I’m trusting God.

Man, isn’t that like the most cliche statement? Everything will be ok. I’m trusting God. While I do completely and entirely believe that God has a plan for my life, it doesn’t mean everything will be ok. It means that God will do what He wants with my life. And that’s what I want.

Today I got my Vintage portrait taken. As a senior. I ruv brack brouses.

Speaking of senior, I’ve come to realize that this is my final year. Weird. I know. You would think that wouldn’t have hit me for like 6 more months. I understand. But the fact is that it has crossed my mind. And I’ve begun to think of the future. And the idea of grad school has crossed my mind. But more realistically, I’d rather do a postgrad degree and just hang out for a year probably. Which would be ridiculous because I would go with either business or counseling, I think. It all depends on where God leads me. Since I’m thinking ministry is where I’ll be, I think that counseling would be better, but more practically, business is appealing because it would help with the entrepreneurship possibilities. I just don’t know.

According to Mr. Daulton, I just need to be called to a man. Normally, God calls man to a ministry and he calls a woman to a man. That’s what I was told. I don’t know what I think about that statement, though.

I need to get to homework. I have mucho readings due tomorrow.

I caught a Mouse

little g

Ok, so this actually happened a while ago . . . while I was at camp. He was a very cute little kangaroo rat and Jessica and I finally captured him. It took me like ten minutes or something to actually catch him, but he got used to me pretty quickly. We named him g. (Not uppercase G, but lowercase g.) We held onto him for about 30 minutes and then decided to free him.

Pride

Wow. Another day. I’ve been so rebuked lately about my attitude. I’m such an attention hog and so proud. I’ve been reading Humility by Andrew Murray and it’s so powerful already. Even in the preface, I was wowed.”Nothing is more natural and beautiful and blessed than to be be nothing, so that God may be all” (p. 6).

It really hit home in chapter 2 when Murray says, “Think about how all the lack of love, the indifference to the needs, feelings, and weaknesses of others, the sharp and hasty judgments and utterances so often excused by our cries of being upright and honest, the manifestations of temper and irritation, the bitterness and estrangement, have their root in pride. Pride seeks only itself.” Yeah. That’s me…especially the temper and irritation part. I so easily get irritated when I’m not the center of attention. Well, actually, it’s not that I was to be the center of attention…I just don’t want it to be another girl. I’m so weird. I want to be the special one and it’s always driven me crazy when that’s not the case. I need to get over myself. Seriously. Be humble. Love others. Stop getting in the way.

I told a friend this summer that I just want to get married. Maybe I should just want to serve God. I’m so focused on myself and my “needs.” Maybe if I started loving others, I wouldn’t be so concerned about the fact that I don’t have any prospects in the dating department. If I was truly seeking to live as God wants me to live, I don’t think I would really have time to worry about all that other stuff. But as it is, it’s been consuming a lot of my time. And thinking about it really doesn’t help. I’m not living how I should be. I want to stop living for myself.