weak one

After the first week of camp, I am reminded again that I’m still learning.

I’ll be really honest, this week was hard for me. There were two days that I was completely messed up and just not myself. Or maybe I was too much myself. I think I let ME control those two days instead of God. My focus was completely skewed. It’s hard because I’m not really involved in the daily activities of camp. I didn’t know it would bother me this much. I think camp is in my blood. It’s not that I miss counseling so much – I have campers still (who are amazing, by the way) – I think it’s just a lack of interaction with people. Maybe a lack of activity. But that’s not really what I was messed up about. It was just an added thing.

I’m just selfish. That’s all. And impatient. And I have a little trust problem. I complain too much a lot of the time, too. But my God is sufficient. That’s what I’m still learning.

I’m starting to pray pretty specifically about some things. That scares me. I’ve asked myself before how specific I can be in my requests to God. After claiming Psalm 37:4-7, I’ve prayed very specifically in the past. And things didn’t happen how I expected and I ended up hurting. I still question why. I wonder if I did something wrong in asking God for something specific or if I just needed to learn a lesson. Or maybe God just said no because He knows what’s best. So here I am, praying specifically again and being a little hesitant this time. I just need to be able to accept any answer He gives.

A couple weeks ago when I was thinking about this stuff (because I think about it a lot), I realized that I can fully trust God. He allows me to have fun. Isn’t that insane? I don’t know why I haven’t thought about that before. My God wants me to have fun. He’s given me laughter and joy and really weird friends who do the most random things sometimes. All of it is from Him. I don’t know why I’ve never viewed the fun I have as being from God. Sometimes I’m just stupid.

So yeah. Camp is great. I’m learning . . . and it’s only week one.

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One thought on “weak one

  1. that’s so encouraging! we all struggle with those things to some degree, i think. i do. it helps to know that i have a God who LOVES me more than is thinkable, He has ALL power, and KNOWS everything that does and ever could happen. those three things can help us to really trust Him. something hard for this small town girl to remember in new york city with few friends and no family, except for my amazing husband and wonderful baby girl.

    i think it’s good to pray specifically, but that’s my opinion. find out more about what scripture has to say about pray and ask Him to teach you how to pray. okay, i’m going to go read and pray now. : )

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