ow.

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About a month ago, I began a blog post with this:

Within the past month, my emotions have gone haywire. It’s not that I’m manic depressive or anything. Although, I don’t exactly know what the problem is. I’m just sad and lonely a lot.

I decided not to continue through with that. What a pitiful post it would have been. But . . . it’s true. That’s how I felt. Somehow [like it’s really a difficult thing to do] I lost focus of Him again. The good news is that a friend of mine lit a fire under me without even knowing I needed one. I’m grateful for friends who continue to grow and produce a contagious Christianity. I’d like to let you peek inside my journal and see a few pages of what I’ve been learning. [Yes, I both journal and blog . . . one can’t take the place of the other. I’m adamant that there are some things that need to remain unpublished for the whole world to see.]

03.13.08 | .live.biblically.

Should be a cakewalk, right? Um . . . obviously not. How can I live that way without knowing the Bible? And why have I been ok living any other way? This thought came at the perfect time. How rebuking but motivating as well! I’m going to tackle the Sermon on the Mount. I think it’s a good starting point.

I think there are a few areas I really need to go after and figure out . . . I have a new passion and a new drive.

Thank God for growing friends.

This is a life-changing thought.

03.14.08

I find the principle of selflessness quite evident in Matthew 5. And selflessness when wronged.

  • If someone sues for your shirt, give him your coat, too.
  • If someone hits you, give him another shot.
  • If someone forcefully takes you one mile, go two.
  • Give to anyone who asks.
  • Don’t turn away from someone who wants to borrow.

Then Jesus says . . . “Here’s the principle: Love your enemies. Pray for your persecutors.”

And He says, “Live this way.”

03.15.08 | stop here. Matthew 6:1

“Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you will have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.”

  • Giving to the poor.
  • Praying [do it in secret . . . without using meaningless or repetitious phrases.]
  • Forgiving others
  • Fasting [look your best so others won’t even notice.]

Wow. This is huge. Probably one of my biggest struggles—to not draw attention when I do right. This is biblical living.

“Live this way.”

03.16.08 | live this way!

  • Store treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:20—21)
  • Don’t worry about life (Matthew 6:25—32)
  • Seek God’s kingdom first and foremost (Matthew 6:33)
  • Take care of your huge problems before you start judging others based on their little ones (Matthew 7:3—5)
  • In everything, treat others the way you would want to be treated (Matthew 7:12)
  • Beware of false prophets. [You can figure this out based on the bad fruit they produce.] (Matthew 7:15—20)
  • If you hear this [these words of Jesus] and act on it, you are wise (Matthew 7:24—25)

03.28.08 | John 10:27

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.

Can you imagine how different life would be if we actually lived the way Jesus told us to? Look back . . . those were commands He gave us, not suggestions. Why are we content to live so selfishly? God gave us an example to follow by giving us Jesus. Not only was He given as our Redeemer, but as a Model for Life! There really is no excuse for our choices to disregard His life.

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a few alias options . . .

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Rock Star Name
first pet & current car
Puddin’ Camry

Gangsta Name
favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie
Mint Chocolate Snickerdoodle

Detective Name
favorite color, favorite animal
Green Rottweiler

Soap Opera Name
middle name, city where you were born
Beth Hixson

Star Wars Name
the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first
Steau

Superhero Name
”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink
The Blue Dew

Nascar Name
the first names of your grandfathers
Joe Bill

Witness Protection Name
mother’s & father’s middle names
Susan Lynn

TV Weather Anchor Name
Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter
Bullington Boston

Spy Name
your favorite season/holiday, flower
Autumn Daisy

Cartoon Name
favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”
Pineapple Jeanie

Hippie Name
What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree
Frosted Weeping Willow

lucky petals

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Last week, I had the opportunity to spend my first week with Horsemanship Campers ever. It was amazing.

I had a blast the entire week, and was thoroughly drained by the end of it. Not at all the highlight of my week, but an interesting part of it was my participation in the Shodeo. [Y’know . . . rodeos . . . well, we don’t do all the dangerous stuff, so it’s a Shodeo.]

I was asked to be one of the Shodeo clowns. It was a lot of fun planning the games for transition times and stuff. It was more fun finding all the things we needed [including my lovely flower at the Dollar Tree—the inspiration for my name, Petals]. One of my friends was the other clown, Lucky.

So, uh . . . yeah. Not everyone can say they’ve been a Shodeo clown.

hatching

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Weird title.

Anyways, I’ve decided what to do with my tax refund. [Thank you to the few of you who gave suggestions.] Deep down in my heart I know I should pay off my debt. So about half of my refund will go toward that. I have the opportunity to go to Disneyland at the end of April. Since I’m in California, and since I’ve never been close to anything Disney, and since pretty much all my friends out here will be going, I decided to go too. I’m very excited about it, actually. It will probably cost about $100 with food, gas, etc. So I feel like it’s worth it.

To completely change topics, I’m exhausted. I haven’t felt rested in several weeks. I woke up the other day and thought, Aaah. [That’s a good sounding sigh.] I feel rested. But about an hour later, I didn’t feel so rested anymore. I’m wondering if my mono has returned, but I don’t have any of the other symptoms. I’m that tired, though. Bleh. Part of me thinks it’s my job [because it’s a lot more active than program was] and part of me thinks it’s the sun.

And thank goodness for the time change. Nothing like getting another hour of sleep ripped out from under you. Not like it really matters, though. I’ve been going to bed early [because I’m so tired] and I lay in bed for an hour before I can fall asleep. How aggravating.

On the side of good news, I had another $103 show up this week. God has been so evident in the past months. I definitely don’t deserve His love. He’s provided various random jobs for me to earn a little bit at a time [ok, 3/4 of what I make in a month, actually . . . in less than a week], and also given people a burden to support me out here. Wow. He’s so big.

I could probably ramble on for a while still, but it would get pretty pointless.