progress

Change has always bothered me. I guess I’m a true fundamentalist.

Today marks maybe the biggest change yet. College graduation. I don’t enjoy the mix of emotions that goes with the day. It frustrates me to no end to be so excited about being finished with my formal school training (I hope to never stop learning), but be so sad about leaving everyone I love so much.

The exciting thing is that when people ask me what I’m doing, I’m able to tell them something. “I have a couple options I’m looking at . . . ”

for the summer, I’ll be working at Camp Ironwood as a designer. That will take me through August.

After that I’m hoping to move back to Greenville. I’m actually in contact with 3 companies located in the area right now. Gibbons|Peck is the small marketing company where I had my internship. They have interest in me and will be able to let me know something by July.

VantagePoint is another company I’ve talked to. I sent in my resume and portfolio and had an interview with the Creative Director who wants to keep in touch over the summer and then re-evaluate options in August.

Lastly, I dropped my portfolio off at Greenville Magazine after receiving information that they were looking for a graphic designer to fill an open position starting in August. This is the job I’m really praying I get. It’s all about layout which is what I love to do.

That’s the basic gist of what . . . well, actually that’s pretty much exactly what I say.

The last week of my college career was filled with fun. A job interview, a freakish scramble to collect money from very elusive graphic designers, a 20-minute packing session of most of my junk from 4 years of college, one last run to Starbucks with the Vintage family, a quick overview of the last 100 days of my life, memories shared from the last year, laughter with roommates, stressfulness of last-minute change of plans, bob-hugs, a poetry reading, falling out of a chair in front of lots of strangers and a few friends, my 3rd date while in college, presenting a years’ worth of work in 5 minutes, being proud of friends receiving [much deserved] awards, meeting new people, my last attempt at finals ever, a 4.0 for the semester . . . which included several loud screams of joy after receiving the email, the last demerit received in a lifetime, walking through the doors of the Vintage office for the last time as a staffer, tears. Love.

All that was felt and done this week was in some way developing me.

Progress.

Life would pretty much stink without it.

Looking Blindly at You

I have been back at Bob Jones for almost a full five days now. I’ve had two days of classes which means I’ve been to two of my three classes of the semester. Excitement is poring through me. Actually, I’m doing pretty well to keep myself sedated.

Tuesday I arrived back around 6:00 and was unpacked within an hour. I hate delaying the inevitable. I checked in around 7:00 with my friend, Ashley and helped her unpack her car. I went to the V-reunion at 11:00 and did a little bit of design work until 1:45ish.

On Wednesday, I woke up sometime. I don’t remember when. What I do remember is realizing I didn’t have a pair of hose to wear. I was sorely disappointed. And I managed to make it through the day without drawing attention to my bare calves. I ventured to Wal-Mart where I purchased the hose along with a couple of notebooks and some amazing body wash that I’m so excited about.

Thursday I ended up dropping my first class before I ever went to it. Instead of Hermeneutics at 3:00, I’m now taking Foundations for Biblical Lifestyle with Heather at 4:00. It’s going to be a great class. Probably the most practical Bible class I’ll ever take. I spent most of my day designing in the office, goofing off with old friends.

Friday I went to my class at 10:00 – State and Local Government. Yes. I am branching out. Little Audrey is actually taking a government class by choice. I know it’s weird. The teacher is great and it’s going to be fun. And again . . . practical.

I start the internship tomorrow, so all this free time I’ve been enjoying will soon be over. Not to mention, I have a correspondence course to keep me busy. I’m excited to be here because I know it’s the end. I haven’t started the countdown yet, but I will soon.

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Oops.

Sometimes you end up doing things that you thought you never would.

A little thought was planted in my mind by a pretty cool person. He said something along the lines of…”We don’t go around looking for these things. God just brings them to us, and then we know it’s our responsibility.” I’m probably paraphrasing very badly, but I think I’m still getting the basic idea across.

Tonight in prayer group we played a fun game. Take an everyday object and apply it to your spiritual life. Here’s what we came up with . . .

  • jump drive: our sins aren’t stored forever on God’s list; they can be removed.
  • watch: we need to make every second of our lives count
  • gouache paint: God brings us things that we don’t always enjoy, but they’re there to help us rely on Him and teach us lessons
  • magnets: I can’t let anything get between me and God because my attraction to Him will be interrupted
  • paintbrush: without God’s hand, I can’t do anything. I’m like a paintbrush without an artist
  • play-dough: I should be able to molded by God’s hand to become whatever He wants me to be
  • wd-40: this was compared to God’s Word. Without constantly being in the Bible, I become squeaky and get stuck in a rut. But if I’m constantly in God’s Word, things will tend to run smoothly
  • stapler: we can rely on God to keep our lives together
  • tube of toothpaste: I need to watch what I do and say, because once something has occurred, it can’t be taken back. Just like once the toothpaste is out, it can’t be put back in.
  • lint roller: A lint roller picks up black from a black sweater or white from a white sweater. It picks up whatever it’s around. I need to surround myself with godly people because they will rub off on me.
  • ball: God has the whole world in His hands

Lastly, the thing I chose was an eraser. At first, I didn’t know what I was going to say, but then I was hit with a thought. Ok, as an artist, I always dreaded drawing class because I can’t draw. To me, the most important tool isn’t the pencil, but the eraser. I constantly focus on all the mistakes I make. If you study a true artist, you can’t help but notice how free they are in their strokes. They aren’t concerned with stray lines or things that may seem out of place. They just keep drawing. And in the end, they produce a beautiful work of art. I don’t have to be so focused on all the mistakes I make. God doesn’t say, “Wow. You royally messed that one up, Stees. We’re gonna have to go back and erase that.” I limit God when I feel like I’ve made a mistake that He can’t handle. He takes whatever mistakes I make and brings them all back to glorify Himself. I don’t have the capability to mess up God’s plan for my life. Taking this back to the classroom example, a lot of the times, I was so focused on drawing the line just right that I would erase something fifty times. I wasted over half the class period at times trying to make sure I was doing something perfectly instead of realizing that sometimes it’s the little oddities that add so much.

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Apples Galore

You should be jealous. I’m in the Apple store in NYC at the moment. I’ve been gone from the bubble land for almost 24 hours. And awake for most of those. But today has been lots of fun, just hanging out with friends – in pants, feeling normal. And this makes me want my macbook so much sooner!!!

Fun times. Hopefully I can update regularly on the trip.

The City of Ports

Instead of being a studious senior as I should be, I’m sitting at Port City Java with a friend. The main idea was to get out of the dorm and study. That is not what is happening right now, though. I haven’t opened a book yet. Oh well. I don’t even feel guilty.

I knew coming to PCJ would be a distraction because here, I have access to the entire internet. The power. The freedom. Ooh. Apparently an attractive mail just ran by. If you can’t tell, I’m having guy issues. I can’t even spell male correctly. But that’s ok. I’m trusting God.

Man, isn’t that like the most cliche statement? Everything will be ok. I’m trusting God. While I do completely and entirely believe that God has a plan for my life, it doesn’t mean everything will be ok. It means that God will do what He wants with my life. And that’s what I want.

Today I got my Vintage portrait taken. As a senior. I ruv brack brouses.

Speaking of senior, I’ve come to realize that this is my final year. Weird. I know. You would think that wouldn’t have hit me for like 6 more months. I understand. But the fact is that it has crossed my mind. And I’ve begun to think of the future. And the idea of grad school has crossed my mind. But more realistically, I’d rather do a postgrad degree and just hang out for a year probably. Which would be ridiculous because I would go with either business or counseling, I think. It all depends on where God leads me. Since I’m thinking ministry is where I’ll be, I think that counseling would be better, but more practically, business is appealing because it would help with the entrepreneurship possibilities. I just don’t know.

According to Mr. Daulton, I just need to be called to a man. Normally, God calls man to a ministry and he calls a woman to a man. That’s what I was told. I don’t know what I think about that statement, though.

I need to get to homework. I have mucho readings due tomorrow.

Pride

Wow. Another day. I’ve been so rebuked lately about my attitude. I’m such an attention hog and so proud. I’ve been reading Humility by Andrew Murray and it’s so powerful already. Even in the preface, I was wowed.”Nothing is more natural and beautiful and blessed than to be be nothing, so that God may be all” (p. 6).

It really hit home in chapter 2 when Murray says, “Think about how all the lack of love, the indifference to the needs, feelings, and weaknesses of others, the sharp and hasty judgments and utterances so often excused by our cries of being upright and honest, the manifestations of temper and irritation, the bitterness and estrangement, have their root in pride. Pride seeks only itself.” Yeah. That’s me…especially the temper and irritation part. I so easily get irritated when I’m not the center of attention. Well, actually, it’s not that I was to be the center of attention…I just don’t want it to be another girl. I’m so weird. I want to be the special one and it’s always driven me crazy when that’s not the case. I need to get over myself. Seriously. Be humble. Love others. Stop getting in the way.

I told a friend this summer that I just want to get married. Maybe I should just want to serve God. I’m so focused on myself and my “needs.” Maybe if I started loving others, I wouldn’t be so concerned about the fact that I don’t have any prospects in the dating department. If I was truly seeking to live as God wants me to live, I don’t think I would really have time to worry about all that other stuff. But as it is, it’s been consuming a lot of my time. And thinking about it really doesn’t help. I’m not living how I should be. I want to stop living for myself.